Published on April 10, 2017
It’s a big day for tech zombies. This light up sidewalk warns you when it’s not safe to cross the street, thus eliminating the only way left nature had to eliminate people who are so obsessed with their phones that they’re not really people anymore, more like trudging meatsacks (getting hit by cars in crosswalks, natch).
Coming soon, hopefully: a machine that pulls your pants down and wipes your butt for you so you don’t have to take your hands off your phone whilst using the toilet.
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